Projects are commonly delayed due to poor planning. Products fail due to an inadequate understanding of customer expectations. Organizations place a higher emphasis on avoiding culpability than on actual productivity.
People make the same mistakes over and over again. Ineffective behavior is so common that we begin to accept and even expect it.
But despite these patterns, the truly remarkable instances of bad behavior tend to be singularities, uniquely ridiculous combinations of action and circumstance that even an infinite universe can create only one time.
Limited Space
I once worked on a large scale project with a staff of over a hundred programmers, analysts, and administrators. The team inhabited an entire floor of a relatively large office building, but even that didn't provide enough desk space. Many workers were crammed into makeshift work spaces (a parallel absurdity that we may explore in future writings).
I was given a seat in a large conference room with glass walls. Everyone referred to this room as the fish bowl. There were not desks in the fish bowl, only long tables supporting multiple computer workstations. I shared a phone (including voice mail) with the fellow who sat beside me.
I need to mention at this point that about half of the project's workforce was staffed by a Big Name management consulting agency. Most of the Big Name staff were in their early twenties, well-dressed, and conspicuously tight-lipped due to Big Name's strict anti-fraternization policy.
Note: I'll have more to say about Big Name in future installments. Much more.
Cast of Characters
I shared the fish bowl with three independent contractors and four kids from Big Name. (I've taken the liberty of giving them fictitious names to make the story easier to follow.)
Adam - Claimed to be a project manager because he managed one programmer.
Ed - A tall athletic kid and a skilled programmer.
Napoleon - The apparent pack leader.
Josephine - Documentation specialist and Napoleon's girlfriend.
The Big Name kids were jovial and good-natured for the most part. Ed and Napoleon shared a table and bantered constantly in a dialog punctuated with quotes from famous movies.
Adam was given a seat in the fish bowl about two weeks after I arrived. He's the one who ended up sharing my phone. We developed a cordial relationship primarily out of necessity.
Josephine was quiet. She rarely spoke with anyone other than Napoleon.
Over time, the Big Namers became more open with the other residents of the fish bowl. On a couple of occasions, they asked me to join them for drinks after work. I had to decline, but I let them know that I appreciated their gesture. It certainly wasn't in line with their company's policy.
Trouble In Paradise
Since Josephine's job was documentation, she printed and handled a lot of paper. She also disposed of a lot of paper, but instead of using the dedicated bins for paper recycling, she always threw her papers into the trash. I noticed her doing this week after week, month after month. Finally, one day as she was throwing paper into the trash (for what seemed like the five-hundredth time), I decided to speak to her about it.
I was calm and polite and respectful. I reminded her that the floor had several dedicated recycling bins. She could use these, and that would prevent mixing clean paper with trash that was destined for the landfill.
Josephine didn't say a word. Her body language telegraphed embarrassment, her eyes gazed at the floor. I conclude with a "Thanks!" and went back to my chair.
Revenge
Apparently, Napoleon didn't approve of me speaking to his girlfriend. Either that, or he was staunchly anti-recycling.
He stormed out of the fish bowl and returned in a few minutes with a large stack of papers in his hand, the equivalent of three or four large telephone books. He then slammed the papers forcefully into the fish bowl's large garbage can using a motion like an athlete spiking a football. Slam!
Napoleon left the room and returned a few minutes later with another large stack of papers. Slam! Right into the garbage can!
A few minutes later, he returned with more paper. Slam!
This behavior continued for about a half an hour. The garbage can was now filled and overflowing with paper. A single person could not have lifted the can. It was that full.
But Napoleon wasn't finished. His final act of defiance was to bring two full pots of coffee from the cafeteria and pour them into the can, thus saturating a hundred pounds of clean paper and rendering it unfit for recycling.
Then he returned silently to his desk and continued to work.
Epilogue
Well, I'll give Napoleon credit. He made his point. His actions said:
"How dare you correct my girlfriend's behavior? I am going to punish you now by doing something a hundred times worse! A-ha-ha-haaaa!"
Or, to paraphrase:
"Don't push me, Jack! I'm a fucking psychopath! A-ha-ha-haaa!"
At the time, I let the incident go. I wasn't going to reward childish behavior by giving it more attention that it deserved.
Granted, a portion of one tree was unable to be recycled due to some nitwit throwing a temper tantrum. That's not the worst thing in the world. The person that I really felt most sorry for after that day was Josephine. Can you imagine dating a jerk with a temper like that? It must have been terrifying.
Reflecting back on this incident, I wish that I could remember Napoleon's name. I would gladly publish it if I could recall it. Unfortunately, too many years have passed. I do recall that he was Indian, short, and of an average build. He would have been about 24 or 25 at the time (1993-4).
Big Name was Andersen Consulting. After the Orange Country bankruptcy debacle, they rebranded themselves as Accenture. Accenture received its own share of bad press due to their decision to incorporate in Bermuda, a known tax haven. Is anyone surprised?
Be careful who you let into your company. And if you see someone flagrantly ignoring your recycling policy, get Human Resources involved. It's not worth taking on a potential psycho by yourself.
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